What is pain?

[Still in a draft stage. Will revise later.]

Just kind of reflecting here: if someone does something that I find hurtful, do they have to understand why I didn't like it for it to be "real" ? My ex-wife seemed to think so. I've known other people who seem to think the same.
I don't buy it personally. If you do something that I think is wrong, then it is at least "wrong for me." I don't need anyone else to tell me whether I do or don't have the right to disapprove of or dislike something that bothers me.
I'm also not a very judgmental person. If other people want to live their lives in ways that are different from mine, that's fine. They can do that. But, I don't necessarily have to hang around them while they're doing it.

So, there tend to be people in my life that I end up avoiding. Not to "punish" them, not to make them "feel bad", but just because I don't want to feel bad. If my interactions with someone tend to leave me feeling angry, hurt, annoyed, or whatever; I don't figure that it is my job to make that person change, and I don't (usually) assume that it is my job to change myself so that I can be comfortable with that person's behavior. I, as I said, just avoid them. Problem solved. They can be who they want to be. I can be who I want to be. I'm not hurting them, and they're not hurting me.
[Well, it makes sense to me, anyway.]